Stuck in a rut? Feeling depleted? Is getting up in the morning too hard? Or does everything just feel like too much? Are you too bogged down? Or maybe it all feels too inconsequential to consider going through with anything.
Everyone feels like this sometimes. Some people feel this way often. But these feelings are all symptoms of a larger animal that fits into everyone’s life differently. In order to tackle the beast we have to give it a name.
It’s name is Depression.
Before going further, I have to say, I am not an expert. I am speaking from personal experiences, behaviors I have observed in others, and from research online and with mental health professionals. I am a familiar friend to the beast that is depression. I have had severe bouts and ongoing chronic battles. In between there have been moments of clarity. I want to focus on those and talk about them. It is the most important thing in the world to talk and compare notes. Together we make a support system that will hopefully give others moments of clarity too.
I’m drawn to write about this today for a few reasons. I equate my struggle to get help with my mental illness to my first coming out experience. It took time to admit I was depressed to myself and then to my community around me. My experience with and language around depression were the first tools in my kit for coming out. I also found myself in a long slow bought of depression from March into April (holler at Mercury in Retrograde). This bought effected my relationships, practices, and work. I want to process what I experienced and use it as a tool for learning and positivity.
Depression and an Intuitive Practice.
My intuition practice is something I incorporate into my every day life. It is finding a balance of metal and physical work as part of my whole self-care routine. I have tired to make the practice a habit, so even when I get depressed and succumb a lack of drive, I am still doing minimal, base-good habits that will eventually help me feel better.
Knowing you will get better is the hardest perspective to keep when depressed. Being depressed often means becoming numb to yourself and your emotions. Going through the motions of meditating and trying to listen to your feelings gets harder when your feelings become quiet and the voices of self-doubt and self-hatred become loud.
This is also reflected externally. I find when it is harder connect with my feelings, the messages of the universe get muddled. It is also harder to set intentions for spells and to be open to them going the way they need to rather than the way you want them too. At least that has been my experience.
When I am depressed, many self-care habits go. The mentality is “why bother” so it is difficult to gain the momentum needed to get out of this low vibrational state. But an intuitive practice can be an essential tool in recovery. Observing the patterns of your thoughts, feelings, and the world around you can help you digest the messages that will help you heal. You just need to remain open and try to quiet the voice that says “why bother”. At the end of the day, making the effort is always worth it.
Moving Forward and Moving On
Continuing to observe the cycles of mental health, however subtle or tumultuous, gives more insight on our lives. Exploring the Shadow Self only helps us grow – face it with with love and the fear that comes from the darkness will dissipate. Observing and getting to know your feelings in many stages of life will help with communication.
To heal ourselves and to heal the world around us we all need to talk and share. Depression thrives off of isolation, making us feel alone and small. Collectively we can all be a reminder that we are never alone. You are not the only one feeling this way. We are all in this together. Ask of your community, get the help you need, find empowerment to help yourself.
And know there is love in my heart for you.
Until next time – Riss